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4.26.2010

WOW!

The past couple of weeks have been insane. Turns out I couldn't transfer to WCU until Spring 2011 and the classes I need to get my AA at AB Tech are not offered online in the Fall, so we ended up just finding a new apartment in our hometown. Most likely I will end up getting a dorm room or hopefully a married dorm room and stay at WCU during the week and come home on wknds when I start next spring. After that, it's up to Justin, and I have a feeling I will be going back and forth until I graduate. Anyways... I only have 2 weeks left in school this semester and it's definately crunch time. I'm super stressed! Then I have a 2 week break before summer classes AND my summer job starts.... agh!!!

4.14.2010

The Ups and Downs of My Life

These past few weeks have just been up and down and up and down and up and down... this continuous pattern that is really stressing me out. The worst part however is that my wonderful, compassionate, LOVING husband (I have to remind myself of that) doesn't see how stressed I am. I do everything in my power to try and ease his stress, I bend over backwards to comfort him and allow him breathing time to relax. But when I'm stressed... where is he? Its bad enough that my family isn't in my life right now. It's bad enough that I'm having to plan the next big move in our lives because he can't handle it. Why is it so hard to see how stressed I am, and how scared I, like himself, am of this life changing decision and move. I really struggle with the knowledge that not only have my emotions been pushed aside by other people in my life, but now they're being pushed aside by my husband. I matter. I matter. I matter. I really do matter.

4.06.2010

New Changes in Store?

Ok yes... I've been down in the dumps lately. I'm still a little bit sad/frustrated at the moment, but I did a little bit of worshiping today and that perked me up a bit ;-)

Anywho, for the 20 bazillionth time I attempted to plan my school schedule for the next few semesters... and discovered something brilliant! If I take extra classes this summer I could possibly transfer next Spring instead of next Fall... and graduate a semester early. Um.... yes please? And at hearing "transfer a semester early" Justin said.... REALLY??? So he's excited... to say the least. Now, the only thing I'm worried about is if I do transfer is finding an apartment/house to rent in the middle of a school year in a COLLEGE town. Yea. So what may happen is I may have to look into taking online classes through Western, or possibly taking some extra classes that would hopefully transfer at AB Tech. Ugh! Decisions, decisions.. luckily I am taking a mini roadtrip to this wonderful new school I have fallen in love with the one and only mother of the Flint Monsters :) who is an alumni! So I'll have a better idea of what to do after that.

I finally got caught up on assignments... two spontaneous trips the last two weekends have thrown me for a loop... luckily everything got turned in on time! LOL! Tomorrow I'm hoping to visit with an old friend and possibly enjoy some sunshine with the Flints.... or if they can't come with my homework (yay?)...

Instead of a bible verse today, I wanted to share this with you...



4.05.2010

Praying for Guidance

I asked God to show me a song to describe my feelings right now.... and He showed me this...

Nervous in the Light of Dawn
Leigh Nash
Dreamed I was in a desert without any luck
Stormy gray clouds, hovering above
Silence all around me, I was wandering alone
And I realized there is nothing anyone can really own
And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace
I could see the lightning somewhere in the east
And I wish for affection, and I wished for calm
As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn
As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn
It's hard to change and it's hard to lose
It takes years for us to be made smooth
You can use up our love, yea, precious energy
To be tossed like a shell from the hungry sea
And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace
I could see the lightning somewhere in the east
And I wish for affection, and I wished for calm
As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn
As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn
Hold me in your arms until I fall asleep
I'm so tired, hold me
And I wished for guidance, and I wished for peace
I could see the lightning somewhere in the east
And I wish for affection, and I wished for calm
As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn
As I lay there nervous in the light of dawn


Struggling

I'm struggling tonight... to be content, thankful, calm, but most of all... I'm struggling to find understanding. I feel a little lost. I feel a lot lost actually. I feel alone, even though I know my Father is just a breathe away... I feel deserted by family and even a few friends. I feel forgotten. I feel abused. I feel... taken advantage of. I feel pushed aside... I can't even describe to you all the feelings I'm feeling... it's devastating and exhausting. I'm really just at a loss. What now Lord? What's next?

4.02.2010

Good Friday

What a beautiful day. Absolutely gorgeous... and I am blessed to be a child of God on this day!